Being Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

You grow outside your comfort zone.

Like a seed breaking through its casing, that often means old beliefs, ideas and stories have to go. That often hurts because our ideas, stories and beliefs are building blocks of our identity. Your brain will fight the letting go of the known and familiar and the certain even if the alternative promises more. This ‘internal fight’ is felt in emotional growing pains. To grow you need to go through these growing pains

To keep growing it is essential you learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

This skill can be enhanced by being aware of our inner dialogue and learning to reframe what we are telling ourselves. Some examples are reframing ‘failure’ as ‘learning’, ‘nervousness’ as ‘anticipation’, seeing ‘defeat’ through the lens of opportunity to participate and affirmation that you have got to a level to be invited to compete. The better we get at this, the easier it is to grow.

In dipping in and out of your comfort zone into the ‘stretch zone’ be aware of the terror zone, where you shut down and your reptilian brain puts you into fight, flight or freeze mode. You want to be stretched, not immobilised. Being stretched can feel awkward. Like writing with your other hand you are slower, make more mistakes, have to think more and have to manage the ‘voice’ in your head. These skills are part of learning and growing. Remember, growth comes with growing pains. In nature if something is not growing, it is dying. Applying this to yourself, know that while the death is unlikely to be physical, the cost is seen and felt in your overall quality of life. Over time this can be dramatic. The effects of repeated actions and patterns of behaviour are amplified and compounded over time.

If you are a Star Wars fan you will remember Yoda’s famous, ‘Try not. Do or do not. There is no try’ as he stretched young Luke Skywalker’s self belief, explaining to Luke that he had to be intentional and not hide behind his insecurity of failure based on past failed attempts.  

Similarly, when Thomas Edison was working on inventing the electric light bulb, he didn’t just try different materials for the filament. He conducted thousands of experiments with the determination to find the right one. After many failed attempts, Edison famously said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

This attitude shows the principle of commitment to action. Edison wasn't merely trying—he was doing, with the full belief that he would eventually succeed. His persistence and unwavering focus on doing led to the invention of the light bulb, and changed the way we live. 

You are more capable than you will often allow yourself to believe. You will not know what you can achieve if you never risk failing. To find what you might fail at, you need to step outside of what you know you can achieve.

People often call me out on the Yoda example claiming it is not fair and pointing out that if they are trying, surely that is good enough. I give a “Yes, and no,” answer. I then stretch out my hand with a pen on my palm and say, “Try to take the pen from my hand.” People think it is a test or a trick, snatch the pen as fast as they can. I then take the pen back, put it in my palm again and say, “I did not say take it. I said ‘try’ to take it. This gets confused looks and after a few more unsuccessful attempts I explain, “You either take it or you do not take it out of my hand. The action is as much about your mindset as it is about the activity. When you say you are ‘trying’ to do something, are you doing the activity and learning as you get better or are you repeating the same actions over again with the mental excuse that you ‘are trying’?”

If you are not seeing the changes you want, it is worth asking yourself some introspective questions. Where are you holding back? What are you not doing for fear of failure? What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

When you are looking for the edges of your comfort zone you will find some actions require extra effort to go beyond your comfort levels. Usually there is an underlying story, based on a past experience or a perception of risk or effort, that you want to avoid. Making yourself face this truth allows you to trace its origins and replace it with a better story. In psychology this is often referred to as “Face, Trace & Replace. 

Our brain loves patterns and stories. They are like super computers, programmed to make our thoughts a reality. Work on creating thoughts that serve you and create positive energy. Remember, energy flows where your focus goes, so focus on what you want more of.