Working The Action Gap
Can you relate to not doing what you want to do on occasions and to doing things you wished you wouldn't? When I ask that question, many people laugh, stating, “Where would you like me to start?” Not eating healthy, nor exercising, not getting up when my alarm goes off, and not giving feedback to people soon enough are all common examples people share.
One key to self-mastery lies in the gap between your feelings and your actions. The brief space between your brain receiving a message, usually as a feeling, and your brain taking action. I'm not talking about auto-responses, like you experience when a doctor taps your knee to stimulate an involuntary move upwards. I'm talking about your programmed and learned responses. As you master the art of self-awareness, you will observe a small gap between thought and action. If you are wondering what I am talking about, I encourage you to recall an occasion when you have responded differently than how you usually react. Reflect on what happened. The different reaction can usually be traced back to how you did, or did not, use the moment between feeling and reaction. When you can identify and use the gap, you can choose to be more deliberate and intentional in your actions, and, as a result, you have more control.
People are a lot more understanding and tolerant of another person's behaviour, e.g., running late, cutting in front of someone in traffic, spilling a drink over the table, when they have done something similar themselves. When I am in these situations, I use the ‘pause’ to ask myself a question. Some of my go-to questions are, “How would I respond if my kids/wife/Mum/clients were watching me right now?”; “What might be happening in that person's world that is making them respond like this?”; “How would my best self respond in this situation?”; “Will I choose my response or react?”; and, “How can I make this person's day right now?” (I am still actively working on that last question as a default response 😀).
When you look back and see that you have acted and reacted differently in similar situations, it shows that change is possible. You have a choice. If you want to become the best version of yourself, you need to take full responsibility for your actions. The word “responsibility” is a self-descriptive guide. It highlights your ‘response-ability’: your ability to respond in and to any situation. Choose well!
