Words Are Energy
“Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.” - Bruce Lee
You undoubtedly have heard that ‘words have power’ and you would have seen how your words have affected others, as well as yourself. Knowing this, are you careful with your words? What words and phrases do you choose to describe yourself and your actions to yourself and others?
Most people think very little about what they say, their thoughts often chasing after their words. Have you ever wished you would think a fraction longer before blurting out the first thought that comes to mind? A good friend encouraged me to “engage brain before operating mouth!”
People take words in and often will allow a phrase spoken over them to define them for much of their life. Have you ever had someone comment on something you said to them that impacted them a lot and you cannot even remember saying it? This can apply to both good things and words you regret. You cannot unsay words. Be intentional about the words you speak into and over yourself and others. The power of words to impact, direct and shape your self perception creates a compounding effect. I have often encountered adults still carrying and living under labels they were given in school. Teachers and parents can make comments in a given moment expressing their frustration which can be taken out of context. (Kids are great recorders of information and often poor interpreters.) Kids can also be cruel. In their own insecurity, they will deflect attention away from themselves by highlighting a visible difference in another as if it were a flaw: ears that are too big, a nose too pointy, a stutter, squinty eyes. This builds insecurity, which is then carried and projected. People grow up being extra sensitive about these perceived inadequacies.
Sadly, the coping strategy of finding fault in others to detract attention from oneself is often carried into adulthood. When people feel insecure, threatened or desperately want attention, they use words to cut down those around them. Hurt people hurt people. The nursery school rhyme, ‘Stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me,’ only applies if you are secure within your personal identity. Words do stick and can hurt. The more you hear yourself described in a certain way, the more likely you are to believe it and accept it as truth. You then risk describing and defining yourself through other people's perceptions. Remember, what comes after ‘I am’ defines you.
My English teacher, Mr. Brebner, was an advocate for the power of words. Our all boys boarding school was tough. A lot of kids were teased about not being sporty and not being smart. A number of kids ran away and a few dropped out. Mr. Brebner had us focus on what we could control. Like my Mum, he viewed ‘can’t’ as an ‘excuse word’. He’d reminded us that “can’t” meant you don’t know ‘how to’ or don’t ‘want to’. He would tell us to decide which one applied and own it. The words ‘try’ or ‘but’ were also in the firing line. He wanted us to be definite with our language.
aking ownership of your words is essential if you want to take ownership of your identity. Your conscious identity of yourself is revealed in how you describe yourself. Your language shows how much ownership you expect you to take for your life. This is the power of words. By changing your language to align with who you want to be, you can reprogram your deeply held mental pictures and stories.
To be clear, I am not suggesting that changing what you say for a day will reprogram your psyche overnight. It is the phrases we constantly repeat that wield the most power. Identifying these and making sure they are descriptors we want, while consciously and repeatedly replacing the undesirable ones with desirable ones, is where the power lies. This is the power of an attitude of gratitude. It helps you programme yourself to look for things to be grateful for. If you make a daily habit of recording 3 things every day you are grateful for then, after a short while, you begin to look for the things in your environment that trigger your gratitude – and as you seek, so will you find!
If this is an area you want to work on, then start by being aware. Be conscious of your words and descriptors. Actively ‘see and hear’ yourself. You will probably find that you use many careless words. As you become more aware and more deliberate, you will catch yourself mid sentence. With practice, you can catch yourself just before you are about to use negative labels and unhelpful descriptors for yourself and others. As you master this, you then intentionally say more of what you intend and use the desired words and phrases. Eventually, it becomes your new norm. This is important because words influence both yourself and others. They have creative power and once spoken, they are hard to retrieve or correct.
A great example of the power of words is when people describe or comment on a person or group of people you are about to meet for the first time. Simple ‘throw-away’ comments, like ‘they are a real traditionalist and rather stuffy’, ‘he’s a great bloke, salt of the earth’, or ‘she’s lovely, don’t let her brisk efficiency put you off’. These tend to colour how you see the person, looking for proof of the descriptor even though it is just the person's perspective.
Develop the skill to be thoughtful with what you say, to whom you say it and to not use words carelessly. It takes effort to reprogram your default thinking. The human brain creates heuristics (mental shortcuts), so you can easily find yourself defaulting to old patterned ways of thinking. Checking the assumptions behind your programmed shortcuts, and aligning them to bring out your best self helps create new mental shortcuts and better default thinking patterns.
Try this for the coming week. Consciously play an observer of what you say. Only observe to see and learn. No self judgement or criticism. Watch to learn and identify your patterns. Stepping out of yourself and watching requires some practice. Start small. Check in with yourself to see if you felt a conversation went well or not. Then progress to looking at what went well and what you would do differently next time. The key is to observe, to learn, not to condemn yourself.
