Do It Anyway!

A phrase I often use is that “You are not responsible for other people’s actions and reactions, only your own.” Primarily I use this to remind people to own their emotions, reactions to their emotions and the subsequent behaviour. As you mature this outlook takes on a different hue - rather than thinking about how you react in a moment, the focus becomes more about how proactive you are with your life. 

I remember being very challenged by an answer Mother Teresa gave in response to a question about giving money to the poor. Growing up in Africa, street beggars were such a common sight that one barely even noticed them. While there were some people in genuine hardship, the perception was that most of the beggars were lazy or scheming to take advantage of others, or just wanting money to support an addiction. The kids (often called ‘street urchins’) were a prime reminder as a glue sniffing craze had many of them walking around looking half stoned. While everyone understood they were trying to escape their reality for a short while, it felt like a disservice giving them money. The question to Mother Teresa made a lot of sense to me, “Should we give people money when all they do is spend it on drugs, cigarettes and booze?” Her answer  was to give from the heart if we felt compelled to give and let the person choose to do what they would with the money. What they chose to do with it was not our responsibility.

This was deeply challenging. Unlike tourists who would often make comments about life in Africa with no context outside of their brief visit, Mother Teresa spoke from a place of lived experience.  Reading more about her life and work I came across many quotes that resonated.  Three that stand out in my mind are: “It is not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”;  “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ; “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”- Mother Teresa 

(looking up those quotes I found so many more and am in awe at the depth of love and faith that she lived with. Three that struck me today are: “We fear the future because we are wasting today.” “Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” “‎Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” )

How generous are you? Do people sometimes take advantage of you being generous? 

Sometimes people will take advantage of you. It sucks. However, people also know authenticity and sincerity when they come across it. That is how one's reputation grows. In business people come back to those they enjoyed working with and also tell their friends. I want to be trusted and seen as someone who knows their stuff and wants to help. If the odd person abuses that, then so be it. I hold to my standards. Remember, you need to be driven by more than what you will get and how others react. Mother Teresa said it well “If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”

I have a poem by Kent Keith on my wall. It is often credited to Mother Teresa as she had it hung up on her wall in Calcutta:

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centred. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

I really like that as it lines up beautifully with being the best version of yourself!

Sometimes there is scarcity, but it is more about your attitude than the resources. Are you prepared to share, encourage, and guide with what you do have? 

I want you to find a small smooth pebble and carry it in your pocket for a month. Every time you touch the stone and are aware of it, pause and look for, or think about, something you are grateful for. It may seem like such a little thing as to be irrelevant, but the regular reminder of what you have and are grateful for rewires your brain. It teaches you to look for more of the same and you will see the goodness and abundance that surrounds you.