Sitting With Discomfort
I saw a lovely quote the other day that captured a lot of what I have written about.It was on a billboard and said, ‘Everyone must choose one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.’ It resonates with much of what I have heard from people who share that goal setting is hard and that is why so many people do not do it. I found writing my eulogy and knowing how I wanted to be remembered a lot harder than I imagined.
When I reflect on what motivated me to push through and do the hard work several things come to mind. Actually wanting to have a different outcome was a powerful driver. A few other quotes pushed me on. Two that come to mind are, “Without discipline you are a slave. A slave to your emotions … a slave to your desires … a slave to your motivation. Without discipline you will never be free” by Seneca and “Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” by Augusta F. Kantra. Mostly, though, it was remembering the top five regrets of the dying. I knew if I did not change, then that would be me. The hardest part of the process was facing my fears and regrets. Looking at why I was scared to dream big and admitting to myself how much fear held me back.
As suggested earlier, I traced back where my original stories and beliefs came from. Once I had done that, I reframed the stories I told myself. Something I have said to my kids came back to me, “it is not what happens to you that matters as much as what you tell yourself about what happened to you.” Reframing experiences through the lens of perspective, hindsight and wisdom was really useful. I also adopted the belief that things happen “for my good” and I needed to look for lessons in the hard experiences.
Looking at my regrets was hard. I realised every time I thought about them, I would beat myself up all over again and so I avoided thinking about them as much as I could. I wrote out my biggest regrets, which made me face them and helped me accept them. Against each one, I wrote what I had learnt from the experience. When I considered the valuable lessons each one of those times had taught me, I realised I would not be who I am today without them. I certainly do not wish to relive them, but am grateful for the lessons. Thinking of them from a gratitude space and embracing my regrets has helped me to move ahead more intentionally.
You are allowed to dream. You are allowed to want the best for your life and for those you love. It is not selfish to aspire to greatness. Continue reframing your internal story to see it as your duty to live well and inspire people, to leave the world and all who cross your path richer for your presence. Be amazing. Be incredible, exceptional and wonderful. Be brilliant, funny and smart.
To be clear, I am not talking about pride. Quite the opposite. When you shine like a light on a hill, you guide and give hope to others. You give people inspiration and permission to do the same and similar.
In 1973, Minister Robert H. Schuller published a book and posed a now popular question, ‘What goals would you be setting for yourself if you knew you could not fail?’ He also asked, ‘What dreams would you have on the drawing board if you had unlimited financial resources?’ and ‘What plans would you be making if you had thirty years to carry them out?’ These questions challenge people to think big and to overcome their limiting beliefs. After asking these, he encouraged readers to ‘clarify the role they would play in the drama of human life’.
What big dreams could you set for yourself?
