Moving From Victim to Victor

Despair comes when we believe that we are confronted with a situation over which we have no control.

Hope is the expectation and belief that something could get better and that there is a desirable alternative that is a possibility.

In the current overwhelm felt by many, the tendency is to focus on how one is personally being affected, which is, obviously, quite understandable. The danger, of course, is when we continue to focus on ourselves and all that is happening to us: it easily creates a sense of the unfairness of life, helplessness and a feeling of being picked on and under attack. We hear ourselves saying things like:

“I'm always the one that this happens to.”

“I'm the one who gets the short straw.”

“I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

“I'm faced with so many things I don't know what to do.”

“I’m never given a chance.”

In and of themselves these feelings are our way of processing and understanding what is happening. When we fail to process through these feelings and stay stuck in that space, it is similar to being caught in a whirlpool as we focus more and more in on ourselves and risk adopting a victim mindset.

An epiphany moment occurred for me when I saw the word victim with the last two letters crossed out and replaced with the letters OR.

The difference between a Victim and a Victor is that a victim is focused in on themselves and what is happening to them, about them, against them. This creates the sense of hopelessness and despair and the unfairness of life.

However when we acknowledge our current situation and look at - focus on - what we could do and what we are able to control, we start to find ourselves having a different mindset. We look at the situation and can acknowledge, “This is what's happening and this is how I feel. I could keep feeling like this OR I could do this OR I could do that.” It is this sense that you have control over your life, that there is an alternative, that there is another/ better way that is the standout difference between a Victim and a Victor. A Victor knows that they are responsible for their own actions and reactions. Said in a different way, “When we understand that we are not responsible for other people's actions and reactions, only our own, we can then choose where to focus or efforts and our energy”

 Observe your language today. How much of your conversation is inwardly focused? How much conversation is committed to discussing events in a way that empowers you to look at the alternatives and the options that you have? The moment we realize we have a choice, it sparks hope. Hope is powerful. Try using these simple questions to create a spark: “What else can I do?”, “How else can I look at this?”, “Where is the ‘OR’ alternative in this moment, in this challenge, in this situation?”

Here’s to your success !