Expectation Feeds Frustration
What sorts of things get you frustrated?
How do you manage being frustrated?
What have you learnt from the things that frustrate you?
A great comment I came across says “Expectation feeds frustration!”
When I have analysed the variety of things that get me frustrated I see that, inevitably, I expected something to be different. I expected the customer service person to actually care and “do his job”; I expect the driver in front of me to “know how to drive” (to my expected standards of course); I expect people to be efficient and knowledgeable in the areas I find easy.
Reading this, in the comfort of my office, makes me sound self entitled. But, as many of you can attest to, in the heat of the moment it is easy to fall into the expectation trap. I am learning to look for the lessons inside my frustrations, rather than focus on the frustration. The mantra of “focus on what you can control” is much at the forefront of my mind.
I like what Anthony Robbins says: “Frustration is a very positive sign. It means that the solution to your problem is within range, but what you're currently doing isn't working, and you need to change your approach in order to achieve your goal.” In reflecting on this I relate well to Bo Bennett’s wisdom, “Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.” I aspire to bring the best version of myself wherever I go. Three pearls of wisdom that have helped immensely with this goal.
Beware of the curse of knowledge. This states that “When we know something, we assume others know what we know; and that once we know something, we cannot unknow it.” Always check your assumptions, invite questions and be patient as people gather the skills and knowledge to be on the same page as you.
Everybody knows something you do not, and is capable of doing things you cannot do. Being humble allows you to learn, lifts others up and strengthens relationships. Focus on win-win outcomes, the desired end result.
“Explain your anger instead of expressing it, and you’ll find solutions instead of arguments,” is a favourite life principle of mine. When you take ownership of your emotions and feelings, it allows others to do the same. By focusing on common goals and agreed values and behaviours, you are more likely to stay aligned and move forward together.
In the words of Michael Stuhlbar: “Things never go the way you expect them to. That's both the joy and frustration in life. I'm finding as I get older that I don't mind, though. It's the surprises that tickle me the most, the things you don't see coming.” When we learn from our experiences and are guided by emotional intelligence, we can look back and see “that all past failure and frustrations were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living you now enjoy.” (Adapted from Anthony Robbins)
Here’s to transforming frustrations into stepping stones on the road to success!
