Creating Identity
We behave out of our identity. It is hard to change our identity. If we want to change, we need to understand how identity is created. This understanding can be found in exploring mindset. Frank Outlaw is credited with giving the advice to “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” This has long been one of my favourite quotes. Years ago, when I was looking for a suitable name for my new business (an exercise which is unbelievably challenging, as anyone who has done it will attest to) I wanted it to connect with people in business. The name “Think Right” comes from the observation that when people think right, they act right and they get the right results. It also doubles as a focus on mindset. Where you set your mind, there you will go.
Most people understand the principle that your actions and behaviour generate your results. If you eat pizza, takeaway fish and chips, hamburgers and pies as your routine diet, without doing any exercise, then you are highly likely to put on weight and increase your cholesterol levels. Knowing something is not enough. Information is only as good as the action that you take as a result of having it. Have you ever wanted to “eat healthier”, “get fit” or “wake up earlier”? Most people I come across in training have attempted to do at least one of these - usually all 3! When I ask how many are sticking to their newly created routine, people laugh knowingly and very few hands go up. When I ask why this is so, people comment about how hard it is to stick with it, how easy it is to slip back into old habits and how difficult change is. This is where understanding mindset can be so helpful.
We all have stories that we tell ourselves and information we feed ourselves. Typically when we tap into a source of information, we find similar information. The advent of social media and algorithms has amplified this effect as sites are programmed to feed you more of what you appear interested in. If we hear a story/line of thought and reasoning enough times we begin to believe it. When we believe something we tend to seek out information that confirms and aligns with our beliefs. This feeds and strengthens our beliefs and, over time, creates ‘rules’ and structures that we rely on and take as important truths. We place a lot of value on these beliefs and understandings and they create and form our value sets. Our values are so important to us that we align who we are with them and this forms our identity. We use phrases like, “I am …”, “I always”, “I never…” and what comes after “I am” defines us.
When working with people it is very powerful to listen to their self descriptors. When someone spills water do they berate themselves, “I am so clumsy. Trust me to always make a mess”, or do they simply acknowledge it and wipe it up?
A question I love to ask is, “If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself would you have any friends?” Many people laugh and say, “No”. Often this is an indicator of negative internal self talk. In New Zealand our “Tall Poppy Syndrome” can be easily seen in common statements like, “I’m really not that good at …”, “It is nothing special. Anyone could do that”, etc. In business your internal culture is reflected in the language and conversations people have every day. Language creates culture and culture defines language. Is your internal company language healthy and building? Does it encourage people to bring out the best from themselves and others? Is your mind your friend and do you set a good example in this space?
